Thursday, July 30, 2009

Drug of Choice

The computer is my crack. My mom's crack is cheese. My best friend makes crack berries (strawberries dipped in sour cream and rolled in brown sugar). The Internet is mine.

The Internet is a wonderful source of information and entertainment. If you're bored, play a game. If you need to know something, Google it. If you're lonely and shy (as I am) strike up a conversation with random strangers.

I've met people from all walks of life. A wrestler training for the summer games. A divorced gentleman from South Africa who tells me of his travels. A repo man apprenticing to be a bounty hunter. A guy who graduated from my high school two years before I did. Fathers, divorcees, bachelors.
And every time I respond to one of their messages, I find myself eagerly awaiting a response. I lurk on the websites, constantly refreshing my screen. I constantly check my email. I restart my browser, in case it has frozen up and I am missing some vital piece of communication that my whole future happiness depends on.
You would think that this was only a problem when I was at home. You would be wrong. I have unlimited web access from my cell phone. I can check for messages when I'm at work, out with friends, waiting for a movie to start, sitting at the drive thru, while watching the angelfish at the playground. I check my email as soon as I get home from work and leave my computer on until my eyes will no longer focus on the screen at bedtime.
And the more messages I get, the worse it becomes. I need to hear from people. New people, old people, it really doesn't matter. The more messages I get, the happier I become. Every message is like validation that I am not completely unlovable. I savor the moment before I open each message, like a little rush.
In my defense, this does not keep me from getting out in the world and meeting people. I didn't do that before I got addicted to the web. In fact, it has led me to get out more.
And before you suggest I start going to meetings to get over my "problem", consider that there are so many bad things in life, shouldn't we grab at any little happiness we can?

1 comment:

  1. Ditto. Internet=Crack. I absolutely THIRST for it.