Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Fluffy Thoughts

Having gone out several times with the r.r.g.s. fish I find myself at the beginning of a new relationship for the first time in over a decade. And this has caused some fluffy little thoughts to run through my head. (If you don't know what a fluffy thought is, it's like a little ball of fluff that hops around in your brain begging to be noticed and voiced at random times to unsuspecting friends and strangers. Lucky you.)

Probably the oddest thought is how will we classify our relationship? I'm sorry, but I feel like I am too old to be someone's girlfriend. There should really be another term for people of a certain age who are not married, but are in a relationship. And lady friend feels like it should be reserved for those over the age of 60. Old lady is for bikers and mothers. Woman friend sounds like a term used by women for the their same sex friends. So where does that leave me? Hey, you? While I've answered to that in the past, it's hardly a defining term. So, I guess, until something better presents itself, I am stuck with girlfriend and boyfriend.

Which leads me to my second fluffy thought. How on earth did I not notice for so many years that my shark never quite became a man? I'm not sure I would have any problem classifying him as a boyfriend. While he's not quite a boy, he never quite grew out of his teenage persona. And I didn't realize this until spending some time with the r.r.g.s. fish. I'm not sure if it is the money he sends to his ex to support his kids, who he is only able to see once or twice a year, or the way he treats my kids, or even the way he treats me. Maybe some combination of all the above. He is, without a doubt, a man. And even though he makes me feel like a teenager at times, he also makes me feel like a woman, not the girl I always was with my shark.

Which leads me to my final fluffy thought. I have only talked with a few fish since my split from the shark and only gone out with two. But how many does it take? I could date all the fish in the deep blue sea and still not find anything worth swimming home about. But the r.r.g.s. fish makes me smile and laugh when I don't think I can. He makes me feel hopeful, when the future is still very uncertain. He makes me forget, even for a just a little while, all the stress and pain. And he makes me remember that life is too short to bury your heart.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009


I've said before that I believe in chemistry. Sometimes it's there, sometimes it isn't. But do we have some influence over this? Can the things we say or do, whether or not we realize it, sabotage or encourage this spark? Or is it all up to fate?

I got a call from the clown fish today. We were talking about online dating and eventually he steered the conversation to the date we had. I swear it wasn't me, I was perfectly content to let sleeping dogs lie. He said that by my body language, he decided I wasn't interested (in my defense I was having a very stressful few days and had just gotten off a plane). I told him that was the same impression I got from him. We agreed that there were no hard feelings and neither of us had any problems just being friends. He even offered to give me dating advice should I need it.

Fast forward to the really, really good smelling fish (or r.r.g.s.f. for short). When we talked about our first date, he said I was tense at first, but he could see when I started to relax. And I have to say our second date went wonderfully. He still smelled as good as I remembered.

So this leads me to wonder, what about me makes me this open book that men can sense my inner workings? And just how accurate is it? Should I be giving out a quiz at the end of each date asking for impressions?

Question 1-Did I appear a)relaxed, b)tense, c)uninterested, d)interested, e)overly interested to the extent you are considering changing your phone number and email address
Question 2-What body language did I give off on our date? Please be specific so I can correct this behavior in the future.
Question 3-Would you go out with me again? Why or Why not? Please use complete sentences and write legibly.

When the boys and girls are separated in the 5th grade for a "health lecture", do the boys get some crash course on how to read women? Or does this not come until college? Is it just something guys teach other guys when they're holed up in their man caves watching sports and belching to fill the time between innings?

And does their impression of body language have any impact at all on chemistry? Had I not been tired and cranky and nervous when the clown fish and I had gone out, would he have read my body language differently, thus having a different kind of chemistry? Or would the result have been the same? Two people, nothing wrong with either one, who just were not meant to be?

Sunday, August 2, 2009

The Really, Really Good Smelling Fish

My best friend tells me this is an oxymoron, but there's something to be said about a fish who can intoxicate you with his very scent.

I met this fish on one of my dating sites. Three years older than me and over a foot taller. He was born in South Africa, where his two children still live with their mother. We started out by messaging on the site and quickly moved into instant messages.

He's funny and charming. We talked about our kids and movies and he made me laugh. We exchanged Facebook and Myspace friend requests. It didn't take long for me to decide that this was a fish I wanted to meet in person.

My normal rule of thumb is that movies are terrible first dates. You can't talk and get to know someone. But after talking about movies, that's what we decided to do. We met at a theater about half way between where we live.

My nerves were popping and I wasn't sure what to expect. My first date with the clown fish had been pleasant, but not earth shattering, so I wasn't holding out high hopes. Having seen his pictures online, I had no trouble finding him. He shook my hand and amazingly, my frantic nerves began to settle into a dull buzz.

We walked to the theater and he held the door open (brownie points) and asked me what I wanted to see. We decided on the new Harry Potter (excellent, by the way).

Having been out of the dating scene for so long, I wasn't sure what the etiquette was for who should pay. There seems to be two schools of thought. The old fashioned, guy always pays school and the more recent stag/girl pays/he buys the tickets, she buys the popcorn school. The latter is encouraged, not only by broke men tired of having to pay for dates that might not result in any possibility of nookie, but also by modern women trying to prove their equality and drive home the point of there will be no nookie until I'm good and ready because I owe you nothing.

I guess I am somewhere in between. I don't mind picking up a dinner check or buying the popcorn, but I also don't mind being treated. There's something to be said for being taken care of. But this was an old fashioned fish who wouldn't have it any other way.

We had some time to kill before the movie started, so sat in the lobby to talk. His accent is enough to make your toes curl. While I know it is a Dutch accent, some of his pronunciations sound almost Australian and we all know how much we love to listen to Mel Gibson or Hugh Jackman speak, no matter what they're saying. His English is excellent, although occasionally he can't find a word he's looking for. But he has no problem asking for help in finding it (which if you ask me, is worth it's weight in gold).

I was so engrossed in our conversation, I almost lost track of the time. We got a huge tub of popcorn to split (extra butter, of course) and two sodas. We sat near the back of the theater and almost immediately started throwing popcorn back and forth. We watched the coming attractions and it seemed we wanted to see all the same movies.

The theater we went to is one of those nifty ones with the really comfortable seats and the armrests that fold up in between the seats. He put one of them up on the other side of him so he could stretch out and leaned his shoulder against mine. And I found myself surrounded by the most heavenly scent. I have no idea what kind of cologne he was wearing, but I had to physically restrain myself from sinking my nose into his neck and taking a huge sniff.

He excused himself to the restroom near the middle of the movie and when he came back to put his head near mine to ask what he missed. His hair brushed against my cheek and was so soft, I actually ran it against my face for a moment before answering (of course, it took me that long to remember the question, as well.).

After the movie, he walked me to my car, where we lingered talking for a few more minutes. He bent down to give me a hug. A perfect gentleman, from beginning to end. And best of all, he said he wanted to see me again. According to He's Just Not That Into You, that's a good sign.

I got home to find a text on my phone. He said he had a great time and I was very pretty. Any girl who doesn't melt, at least a little, at a message like that, has something seriously wrong with her or is lying.

We already have plans for a second date. I don't believe in love at first site. But I do believe in chemistry and that chemistry can be felt right away. Sometimes chemistry doesn't lead to anything else, but sometimes it's a step to bigger and better things. And, baby, we got it.